Unspoken words

Sadly we often do not know the last moment or opportunity we will have to express our appreciation or sing the praises of a loved one.  Do we take this into consideration when we sit in silence across the room from people who have built the bricks that make up our foundation, who have painted the colors of the rainbows that we cherish?  I have recently lost three of the people who most significantly imprinted and influenced my spirit, my heart, and my passions.  I was loved by a wise, gentle man…a man who chuckled at the simplest of jokes, and initiated your laughter with the ease of the afternoon.  A man who cared for the birds, laboring for hours building their homes, serving them, observing them.  A man who plants roses, gardens, myriad plants during the sun’s climax, and then sips a cool Pepsi while enjoying the fruits of his labors as the sun sets religiously.  I was loved by a man with patience as extensive as the ocean….who braved the unpredictable Oregon weather in appreciation of its greatness and majesty, in reverence of yet another afternoon meditation to negotiate the dance and surrender of a salmon, or trout…who more often than not returned empty handed but with a twinkle in his eye…to him, the river was like a religion.  I was loved by a man who made me his world, and allowed me to be his intern while treating me like his buddy or princess.  Thank you grandpa for your spirit and gentle heart…for making me laugh, and for making me feel important.  May you rest in peace and know of my admiration.

I was loved by an angel…by a woman with the purest, softest, gentlest spirit I have known.  A woman who opened her universe and made me her moon.  A woman who taught us (Jeanna, Leslie, Brandon) to wonder in the simplest of moments and creations.  Who took pinecones and helped us make angels and reindeers.  Who took lazy afternoons and turned them into adventures.  I was loved by a woman who taught me what unconditional love means, feels, and looks like…who loved me where I was at, and encouraged all that I would become.  A woman who loved diversity and rejoiced in the simple moments where she could be of service to us, to cultivate our happiness, our self worth, and our spirits.  I was loved by a woman who imprinted her soul into mine, a woman who I never for one second took for granted.  Nana…thank you for making room in your life for me, for teaching me love so that I could one day extend it to others…thank you for being a soft place to land, and a safe place to venture out from.  May you rest in peace and know of my appreciation.

I was blessed to adore a man who will never be replaced.  A man who reminded me to lighten up when I saw the serious side of things…a man who lit up the room, and made you feel as if it was your doing.  I was blessed to adore a man who creates life out of silent, meaningless moments…who looks at life and says ‘I dare you to keep up with me.’  A man who would drop anything in the world to help you out, to lend an ear, a hand, or to convince an army to come to your aid.  I was blessed to learn a lifetime of lessons about living from a man who extracted every ounce of living from the most minute moments, and turned them into unforgettable memories.  I will never forget the man who left footprints in the cement of my heart and my journey, who taught me how appropriate it is to be inappropriate.    Larry, thank you for the laughs, the ‘legend has its,’ the inappropriate late night phone calls to the ‘rents, the serious moments peppered by the shenanigans.  Thank you for teaching me how to live.  May you rest in peace, and raise hell. 

I give my thanks and my love to three of you, and would give anything to have taken the moment to say these words and so many more that will never express my love and appreciation for the effect you had on my life.  Thank you for enriching and enlightening my journey, and the journey of so many others.  Til we meet again…all my love, SaraMae

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"Someone once told me the definition of hell: On the last day you have on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become." Anonymous.  And that would be a good place to begin. Often we know not what our purpose is until we think in terms of our eternal purpose. The moment I allowed my mind to expand to eternal proportions, it all came into full view. All of my micro passions and purposes could fall under one heavenly macro purpose banner. To live up to my potential, and pave the way for others to do the same.  As a child, I had an inner fire to learn everything I could to rise above the circumstances I was born into. It was like there was a scream in my soul. "I don't belong here, we don't belong here. Something is wrong here!" As a child I remember knowing I was born to rewrite the story. I can't imagine that is typical of most children. I recall wrestling with the decision between having play dates with friends or reading dates with myself. My mom and I would sojourn to our local library where I would faithfully check out the max number of books as they toppled out of my arms. The majority were non-fiction, particularly autobiographies of underdogs defying the odds.  I was born into two family lines riddled by addiction, anxiety and depression. I remember intrinsically knowing we were made for more. I have spent my life on a mission to choose differently. I have to credit my parents for instilling awareness in me. They had their struggles, but they always reminded me that things can be different. They may not have had the tools or strength to overcome their struggles, but they created a human who could and would. Awareness is half the battle. Too many grow up not knowing any different. They live reactionary lives imitating what they see and all they know. That is why I'm determined to educate and demonstrate that we are the creators of our reality, that we are not limited by circumstance or DNA. We are truly limitless.  I am a voracious reader who reads books that help unlock greatness and point to unlimited potential.  I am a writer who writes with the intention to unlock the inner hero begging to be released.  I am a personal trainer who trains others with the intent to show them that the only limits they have are those in their mind.  I am an athlete who had yet to achieve her potential because her mindset was broken and spirit was in bondage. It was the silent shame I carried throughout my life. I dedicated myself to studying how I could turn that shame into my superpower. I am now an athlete who gets to visibly demonstrate how truly limitless we really are. I am keenly aware that my movement conveys a powerful message. I know others are watching. I know the world needs this wake up call. I know I did.  And I know I haven't even started yet.  So when I nearly died and lost my feet in the process, I knew I was being called to the mat so to speak. I was being offered the opportunity to demonstrate my beliefs for all to see. While I may have felt "why me," my soul knew I had been uniquely prepared for this challenge. My soul said "of course, me." And that was the North Star that guided me through the hell I would have to traverse alone. I set out on a journey with my Maker to find ME. The real me. All of me. Who I was capable of being. Possibly more importantly, I discovered who I WAS NOT. I was refined in the FIRE. I am here by the GRACE of God and the GRIT of myself. I became an alchemist, turning tragedy into triumph, loss into gain, victimhood into victory. I choose carefully for I know that I create my own reality.  PS you can read more about how I lost my feet here: https://saramae.co/2015/10/20/filling-in-the-blanks/.  I am a Speaker. I realize this is bigger than I am. It is my privilege to share my story in a way that conveys hope smothered in tough love and points toward freedom. We are capable of so much more than we can begin to comprehend. We can choose it and we can do so today. We simply need be WILLING, AUDACIOUS and RELENTLESS.  I am a Writer. Writing is where I first tasted freedom. It is where I am all of me, where I speak my full truth, and where I allow God to speak through me. My message bypasses my brain coming straight from my spirit. Heck, it comes from my cells. I write to say what needs to be said. I write not to make one think, but to make one act.  My intention is not to make you feel good, or to think I am smart, but to get off your ass and live your life to the fullest. To live and love today to the fullest because it could be your last. Nothing is promised, not even the next second.  I am an athlete. It is an attitude, a swagger, a philosophy, a belief, a spirit. It is a commitment. Athletes aren't afraid to sweat and get dirty. They aren't afraid to try and "fail" because they know you only fail if you stay on the couch. And you can get off that couch this very second. I will push my athletic ability to the limits, and then I will push past them. There is no time clock, I will do this until the day I die. Where there is breath, there is hope and there is LIFE. I am ALIVE. I do not and I will not take that for granted. I move my body because I am blessed to do so because there are some who can't. There is always someone with less than you have doing more than you are. Make THEM proud. Honor their grit, thereby developing your own. Inspiration is tricky business. I don't want to be called inspiring as you scroll through Facebook. I want to INSPIRE your ACTION. I want to ELIMINATE your EXCUSES. My goals will continue to evolve because once I have ascended one mountain, I celebrate the view and then set my sights on the next. I am a runner with no feet whose wings span wide. I will run far and fly high. I am a trainer.  I am EXCUSELESS. Because I choose none for myself, I will accept none of yours. I am not for everybody, but I am for those who are hungry and committed to radically change their lives.  I am committed to doing my part to radically upgrade the dreams, expectations and lives of the collective whole. My inner hero, free spirit, champion craved existence and simply needed guidance on how to be born. I needed permission. I finally gave it to myself and now I offer it to you. I am here to remind those who need it that we were made for more.  The Phoenix Perspective is a Radical Responsibility Revolution. We have a zero tolerance policy for excuses. We make none and we accept none. Period. We know that we are more than our DNA, more than our CIRCUMSTANCES. We know that life is happening FOR us rather than TO us. We know that dying to who we thought ourselves to be so that we can become who we were meant to be is not only necessary, it is glorious. While it may not be comfortable, we know that the FIRE is our FRIEND. That it is a divine messenger sent to escort us to our higher selves. It is a message, a philosophy, a movement. It is an understanding and a vantage point. It is a challenge and an invitation. It is an initiation. 

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