In My Words

if your world should fall apart

Say your goodbyes, they told my family. She is not expected to live. Just days before, I had been the picture of health sprinting up stadium stairs with my bootcamp clients in preparation for an upcoming fitness competition and half marathon. Now here I lay, on the brink of death. I came into the hospital with severe low back and hip pain barely able to walk from the pain. I had been crawling around the house and it was only getting worse. The pain became unbearable. On my first visit to the ER, I was originally diagnosed with sciatica, given morphine to manage the pain and discharged. A day later, I was in and out of consciousness, sweating profusely, and I told my family that I was dying. They rushed me back into the ER. My system was crashing and I was almost immediately placed on life support and in a medically induced coma. I was experiencing multi system organ failure due to MSSA and rhabdo. My kidneys were failing, I suffered a heart attack, and my blood pressure was crashing. The medications they pumped me full of to keep the blood flow concentrated in my brain and vital organs to keep me alive made me lose blood flow to my hands and feet. Again, I was not expected to live. Of all the people in the ICU, I was the most grave. I vaguely recall people dying around me. It was an eerie feeling. 

While in a coma, I was experiencing the fight of my life both physically and spiritually. I was in a coma for approximately two weeks, and during that entire time, I was experiencing my murder, death and torture on a loop. It was as real as if it was actually happening. As soon as one scene would end, another would begin, on a loop nonstop for the full time I was under. There is a picture of me looking like a Disney Princess, or Sleeping Beauty, all while experiencing severe mental trauma. I was trapped in a nightmare, and I couldn’t get out, let alone ask for help or comfort. 

When I woke up, I didn’t trust anyone or anything. I did not speak and barely moved and they feared I suffered severe brain damage. Until one day, I answered a complicated question and they knew I was me. I had just gone through hell alone and didn’t know how to communicate it to anyone. I didn’t have words for it. Nor did I understand what had happened and what would happen next. 

Basically overnight, I went from a trophy body to what felt like a creature from Lord of the Rings. I was unrecognizable to myself. Anything and everything that could possibly happen to my body happened. I went in show ready around 120lbs with minimal body fat and ballooned up to 160lbs with liquids oozing out of my skin and my eyes turned inside out and then down to 80lbs looking like a ghost or death camp prisoner. When I finally saw my reflection, it sent chills through my fragile bones. My kneecaps were larger than my legs and my eyes were huge compared to my sunken face. I once had strong quads that could leg press 900lbs and now I couldn’t hold my frail frame up. Its incredible what the mind, body and soul can endure. 

I kept thinking I would leave the hospital at any moment to teach bootcamp until a surgeon came in to tell me they would have to amputate both of my legs below the knees. I told him to get lost and couldn’t understand what the hell was going on. It wouldn’t be until I left the hospital when things would begin to sink in. I was fairly contained and well cared for in the hospital so it didn’t fully settle in until I would go home. I was in an extremely toxic relationship and would have to leave with him. To put things in perspective, what happened in my body was an adequate depiction of what happened to my spirit by remaining in this soul killing relationship. High pain tolerance in my body translated to a high pain tolerance in my life. Pain is a messenger and when we ignore it, we are missing vital feedback. We need to stop wearing badges of honor for the level of pain we are able to endure. 

I had a lot of shame about this relationship that I had gotten myself into and backed myself into a corner. I needed help getting out, but the embarrassment kept me fenced in. I knew better and it caused great shame that I found myself in this situation. It is a lot like a frog in a pot. If the water was scalding hot initially, the frog would jump out and only suffer a burn. Because it is luke warm and turned up slowly, the frog is boiled alive. That was this relationship. The light went out of my eyes and the fire inside me died a little each day. In a lot of ways, I feel that nearly dying saved my life, if only to get me out of this relationship and set me on a path of healing, reclamation and right relationship with myself. 

I ended up moving out one day while he was at work in my wheelchair with only the essential items. I left my life and most of my possessions to regain my freedom and wellbeing. I found the courage to do at rockbottom what I could not find the courage to do standing on my own two feet. I wheeled out, when I could have walked out. If I’m being honest, I don’t think I would be where I am today if I had left sooner. Stress manifests in our body and creates disease and illness. It was like a full blown war in my body, and it was like that in my life until I could no longer go on as I was. Until all of the suppressed pain, emotion and stress hit a critical tipping point. While I of course wish I had done it differently, I have compassion for myself and know I did the best I could with what I had and where I was at at the time. It was a high price to pay to learn valuable lessons about life, but the lessons are priceless. I truly believe that life happens for us even when it doesn’t always look or feel like it. That is usually because we are in the middle, or we need to take a higher perspective to have a better vantage point. When we have nothing else, we have the power to choose and that is our most undervalued super power. It is a choice that can make or break our lives. And a choice only we can make. Too often we outsource our choices to others, we give our power away for one reason or another. Most often, we do not even recognize it. They don’t feel like red flags when red flags feel like home. 

After leaving the relationship and undergoing limb salvage in an attempt to keep my feet, I would go on to tackle the next challenge of having both of my legs amputated below the knees along with having my right hip replaced. It wasn’t until I went to have my hip replaced that they found what they believe to be where the infection started. My right hip was annihilated. Looking back, I had had pain in my right hip, but it had barely registered at the time. As I said, I was in the habit of silencing or ignoring pain in all areas of my life until it hit critical levels. Perhaps if I had gotten it looked at sooner, I could have avoided all of this loss and devastation. Just like perhaps if I had left the relationship sooner, this all could have been avoided. However, the only power in looking back is in reflection and learning the lessons of our past so we do not have to repeat them in the future. I knew there were powerful lessons along my journey and I did the work of looking deep within and healing from the inside out. Its a messy journey, but absolutely worth it. When we take radical responsibility for all of it, we are ultimately set free. 

It took some time for my body to heal, but it was really my mind and soul that took the longest. 

Somewhere along the line of being a competitive athlete and fitness model, body image became a large part of my identity. It became the thing that made me feel safe and significant. When I lost it, I had to reckon with the part of me that didn’t feel whole in and of myself and rebuild a solid foundation from rock bottom. It’s funny…people seek these external sources for their self worth, when they in fact can become a prison, they are anything but a solid foundation. Anything outside of us can be lost or destroyed and we will feel left with nothing. It is always about placing our worth and finding our wholeness inside of ourselves…in who God created us to be.

When I was at rockbottom, unrecognizable to myself, I stood outside of myself. It was almost as if there were two of me…the me who needed holding and the me who held myself.  I had these moments, where I was able to take myself out of it. I saw myself as vulnerable as I was, having endured hell and survived actual death, covered in battle wounds, and I didn’t dare disrespect myself one more time. I honored and respected myself for all that I endured. For the first time in life, I held myself with reverence. What I couldn’t find a way to do at my highest, I decided to do at my lowest. The girl who couldn’t love herself without a six pack found a way to love herself without her feet. 

I realized that the job to love, honor and accept myself was my own. The love, respect and acceptance of others will always be the icing on top of the cake we are responsible for making. We teach others how to treat us. I had this understanding that even if I gained the love and acceptance of everyone else, but lacked it within myself, I would not be able to really receive it externally. Self love and acceptance is an inside job.I could no longer avoid the inner “work” by striving to earn it in the mirror. I literally had to sit with myself and face the work I had spent my life trying to avoid. When I first lost my legs, all I wanted was to be able to hide it. I was used to people admiring my physique, and to be viewed  in the opposite light would be extremely painful. For a long time, I kind of hid myself, I kept to myself while I allowed myself to heal. I kind of cocooned while I gave my mind and soul time to catch up with my body. It is not in seeking or “achieving” perfection that we come to accept ourselves, but in reckoning with and honoring our imperfections. 

It is now my honor to advocate for loving, honoring and respecting ourselves at the highest level. When we know better, we do better. If my journey and my story can serve to help others not fall into similar circumstances, it will have been worth it. If it can serve as a wake up call to those who need it, it will have been worth it. If it can serve as a roadmap of self love, forgiveness, resilience and healing, it will be worth it. If it can serve as a testimony of overcoming to those who may one day need it, it will have been worth it. At the end of the day, it has already been worth it. In losing part of me, I found all of me. If the girl who couldn’t love herself with a six pack and bikini model body can love, honor and respect herself without her feet, you can conquer whatever mountain or demon you may be facing. I am truly better for the journey. It doesn’t happen by accident. It is a conscious choice, and one only we can make and show up for every step of the way. I believe with all of my being that He who is in us is greater than anything or anyone against us. We are capable of rising up and thriving through and beyond any seemingly insurmountable challenge that may come our way. 

If you would like to listen to my personal account along with the full interview from the This Is A True Story Podcast, find on all major podcast platforms or go to:

only love, always love.

With every word you speak, you are voting for peace and love or fear and hate. When you speak about the problem, you are feeding the dysfunction. You can just as easily shift your words to speak about the solution, and that choice moves the mark. We are residents of the universe, and there are certain universal laws that exist whether you choose to recognize them or not. When you try to work outside of these laws, it is more difficult than swimming upstream. When you choose to work with these laws, everything that you do becomes imbued with power, it becomes potent and effective. Love is a higher vibration than fear and hate and therefore can transmute it. Peace will always trump violence. To many, this seems idealistic and naive, but that is simply because it is misunderstood. Just as the dark is merely an absence of light, and one must only light a candle or flick a switch and the dark isn’t simply obscured, it is eliminated. The dark stands in the way of the light, but the light is ever present. It is merely a choice, an action.

This can seem like a losing battle, but that is simply because more light is being called for. This world is calling for more love, more peace, more light, more hope, more unity, more healing. It is no longer okay for those who know better to do nothing. We cannot be lazy about our convictions, about our truths. We cannot love with half of our hearts. We cannot love conditionally. Our love must encompass all BEINGS. Our love must not be dependent on the actions of others. Our love must go first, second and always. We must always meet hate with love, hurt with love, rudeness with love, sadness with love, misunderstanding with love, fear with love, judgement with love. There is a tipping point. If you take a large container of black paint and begin pouring white in, it will seem for quite a while as if nothing is happening, but the tipping point comes where the paint is now light. It is just a matter of the amount and the time. More LOVERS must rise up, and must stay the course. A war against anything is always a losing battle. But a fight FOR something will always find a way. It is always a matter of our perspective. It is time to rally for peace, for love, for equality across the board, unity, etc.

The world is in such disarray at the moment, but there is so much grace in that. It is holding up a mirror for us to look at. It may not be pretty or comfortable. There are certain uncomfortable truths which must be seen, acknowledged and accepted. We must take a look at the dysfunction in order to allow it to permeate our beings in a way which will drive us to change things finally. We have tried to turn a blind eye, wear rose colored glasses, deny, rationalize, water down and change the story to fit our levels of comfort. That is no longer an option here. This chaos is here to shake us and wake us! Let it! Take a look at it, sit with how it makes you feel, process it and then shrink it down to a micro scale. In all things….take it down to a cellular level, a self level.

This world needs more love. Where are you withholding love from yourself? And then how do you withhold it from others in your daily interactions? It starts with you, then extends from you and then extends from there. The denial of this is what leads to terrorism and war. The adoption of this is the beginning of wisdom and the path of the solution. Open your eyes, open your hearts, open your minds. Where are you denying yourself peace? Where do you fail to extend peace to others? Start there. The world is unjust. Where are you unfair with yourself? How are you unjust in your actions and interactions? How can you increase your justice in the words you speak with yourself and others? How can you raise your level of justice in every discourse you have?

You have no idea what someone is dealing with in their life. It is almost always if not always those who are the most unloveable who need love the most. And their interaction with you has nothing to do with you. Rather it is a reflection of their relationship with themselves. If we only love when it is easy and love those who are easy to love, we do not move the mark. We do not increase the vibration, increase the love, increase the peace. We keep things the same. At least you are not meeting love with hate, but you do not heal yourself, others, the planet or the collective in any meaningful way. It may be tiny and imperceptible, or it may be life altering. Either way, it is powerful and necessary.

It is great to recognize someone’s light, love, effort, etc. We have begun to believe as a society that we shouldn’t reach out, connect, compliment, exercise kindness, etc. I cannot tell you how often I exercise a compliment to a stranger and someone with me says that they were thinking the same thing but didn’t want to make the receiver of the gesture uncomfortable, or were afraid they would seem weird, or a million other things. Every time, I am shocked. How did we get to a point in society where we are afraid or hesitant to express love and kindness? I noticed that I would often think it but didn’t express it. Now compliments fly out of my mouth as soon as I think them. I have trained myself to do this, and sometimes forget, but it is such a simple way to stand for love, to exercise peace, to shift the vibration of the planet. While simple, don’t underestimate how powerful. Rather than coming from “what is the least I can give,” lets consciously move the mark and give more always in all ways.

Go the extra mile. Go first. Go further. Go again and again. Meet resistance with acceptance. Meet unkindness with understanding. Don’t just embrace differences, celebrate them. What a boring world this would be if all there were were red roses. A red rose would have zero value if a sunflower did not exist, if we knew not weeds. We need the totality of existence to have the experience of beauty.  A world without beauty would be pointless, lifeless, soulless. We would not know joy without pain, ecstasy without suffering, gain without loss. We need our differences, but our differences do not make us different. They make us unique. Each is equally valuable. Each is sacred. It is time for us to band together and love that which differs from us as much as we love that which is like us.

Rather than get sucked in to the temptation to speak about all that is wrong with the world and humanity, lets come together and speak of all that is right, in all of the incredible ways that we can make this journey we are all traveling together better. Peace which excludes some, excludes all. Love which limits, lessens. Justice for a few is justice for no one. Use your voice. Use it for love. Use it for peace. Use it relentlessly. All my love. One love.





five percent more….

What would you do with just five percent more courage? More anything? This has become one of my most powerful and game changing mantras. When we ask powerful questions, we get powerful answers. It doesn’t even matter if we currently have five percent more of the thing we are asking for. By asking for it, the action is revealed. All we have to do is follow it. And always follow first thought and follow it immediately. The sooner we can come to recognize and heed that quiet and gentle first voice and thought, the more dramatically our lives begin to change. The truth whispers and needs no defense, nor makes demands…it simply present the way. If you want to wake up with drastically different circumstances, then ask this question often and heed it instantly every time. Make it a practice, a way of life. Ride it like a wave to your potential, your calling, your truth. The noise of the world can make it difficult to do so, but with practice and consistency, it will become second nature. And one day it will appear as if you are King Midas, instantly manifesting the things in life that you desire.

The funny thing about heeding first thought and acting on our five percent more, or even the potential of five percent more is that it will actually require less faith and effort. When we simply act without giving ourselves time to talk, think or rationalize ourselves out of it, we allow ourselves to be carried by the natural flow and current of life and the universe. We no longer are insisting on swimming upstream which is essentially what we do when we are in our heads, when we “TRY.” We simply do, we allow. The five percent more is not necessary, what is necessary is just acting without hesitation on the picture that comes up when we ask the question.

This works in every situation in every aspect of life. In a disagreement with a spouse? What would I say with just five percent more love? Dealing with a difficult customer? What would I do with just five percent more patience? Up against a seemingly impossible problem? What would I know with just five percent more wisdom? Struggling with yourself and your direction in life? What would I do with just five percent more belief? If there is one thing I would recommend to dramatically alter the course of your life, it would be this. Ask the question…what would I do/know/be/say with just five percent more……then get quiet, meditate, shut it all out and allow it to present itself to you and then drop everything and do it. Do not hesitate, do not doubt, do not think about it. Act as if you had five percent more, and you will have all that you need. Love and light and all my belief in each and every one of you! Be 100 proof today and everyday homies.

avoidance and destiny

Where in your life are you in avoidance? What are you resisting whether consciously or unconsciously. It most likely holds the keys to your greatest breakthroughs and even your destiny. At this point in life, many of us are aware of the existence of our ego. The poor ego has gotten a bad wrap. People want to make an enemy of it, kill it even. I like to think of the ego as a toddler. Toddlers are adorable, certainly not bad, in fact, they need our love, protection and guidance. We would never give a toddler the steering wheel and let them drive. So why would you allow the ego to steer your life? The ego has one main goal: to keep us safe because it love us, and they believe that staying where we are accomplishes that. When I was little, fear was all I knew, it consumed me. I remember having diving class, and I dreaded it. I was a natural swimmer, a fish. My parents recognized it in me and encouraged me, and I was even pursued pretty heavily all my life by swim coaches. I probably had the innate ability to take it to the highest level, but I had all of these irrational fears which are not relevant here. Back to the story….I recall my first lesson where we were to jump off of the low dive. I absolutely did not want to…actually I desperately wanted to, but I was paralyzed in fear. I kept walking to the edge and freezing. Eventually the instructor coaxed me off the edge, and it was game over after that. Shortly thereafter I was doing back dives and one and a half flips off the high dive. I found freedom in the dive, I connected to my natural gifts, to my essence. You see, the toddler in me wanted me to stay safe while the higher self in me knew what was to be gained by bailing off a perfectly steady board into the unknown…everything.

In my life, this willingness to dive led me to many beautiful cliffs as well as many exciting adventures. That willingness embedded itself in my spirit and has made it possible for me to take risks that I otherwise would never have considered. Not every breakthrough lie through huge life changing leaps. Sometimes it is the smallest tweak in a habit or thought pattern. It can be a chore that needs to be ended to, or a scary business opportunity. If it creates discomfort in you, be willing to take a look at it. Avoidance always means something, and it can almost always be traced back to our little well meaning but misguided homie, the ego. We must always be willing to turn the light on and look at that which we would prefer not to, and always without judgement. Simply observe, take note, and choose consciously, wisely, bravely.

Do the words someone said create an irritation in you? Why? What are you not wanting to see in yourself or in your life? Does it bother you that someone is living their life differently from yours? Could it mean that your highest self wishes you would choose courageously to step out onto a different path? Are you afraid that you are wrong in your beliefs? It always means something otherwise it wouldn’t create friction within you. And it typically calls for a change in perspective, change in beliefs, or change in self, in action. Avoidance is our compass, our north star if we simply allow it to guide us. We have been led to unconsciously believe that if we ignore something it will go away. The truth is, it won’t. It never does. In fact, the longer we wait, the more we ignore and avoid, the steeper the price we will have to pay to change whatever it is. The more effort we will have to exert, the more faith we will have to exercise. Get the lesson now, take the guidance. It is all a gift, it is all for you. There is nothing to fear.

Walk to the edge of the diving board, the cliff. Dangle your toes…bail off that thang and find your freedom, find your liberation, find your purpose, find your bliss. Its all there waiting to embrace you. You have everything to gain. Love and light homies.

Calling all LOVERS…..


“Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.” Rumi

It is so easy and tempting to fall into the belief, temptation and gut reaction that in the face of tragedy, hate, terrorism and violence that we are justified if not compelled to react in hate and fear. It is human nature to react. We are animals. However we are also creators, we are also beings with higher consciousness. That is what separates us from other species. DO NOT allow yourself to fall into the trap that when faced with fear and hate you should react with more of the same. It is completely natural and okay to feel those things, but we do not have to become vessels and channels for them. We can take in the feelings of fear and hate and transmute them into peace and love. That is the great gift of LIFE. Who wants to run around the planet reacting to every thing that occurs big or small? We are not rats in a maze. We are conscious creators. We are POWERFUL.

There is no reward in meeting hate with hate. Someone jumps in front of you in line, pushes past you, says an unkind word. What do you believe you get out of putting someone in their place? When you know who you are and whose you are, where you come from, what runs through your veins, you can be like the water. When we dive off of a cliff with great force, it merely yields to our bodies. It makes space for our intrusion, it even offers us pleasure. Do you understand the power of meeting hate with love? Fear with peace?

We know not what burdens and wounds others carry. We know not why they act in the way they do. It always boils down to fear and an absence of love. The times and situations when it is most difficult to respond in love are the times when it is most needed. It is the most unloveable who need love the most. That is never to say that you should stay in a toxic or abusive situation. Our own energy is sacred and of the highest importance. But it takes nothing from us to extend love in any situation, in fact it fuels our own life force, it multiplies our own essence. The more you react from and come from a place of love, the more you become love, the less the other energies will pop up in your reality. It is a truly beautiful and powerful process. When your love becomes so bright, you begin to repel and even transform fear, hate, anger, jealousy. When you buoy your own life force and energy to such an extent that you begin to affect the force field of another, you get to taste what creation and purpose are really all about. That is how we change the world. In all things, in all places, in all interactions, choose love, be love. We eradicate terrorism on the global scale by eradicating terrorism in our everyday interactions. We are the change. And the smallest, most seemingly insignificant interactions are the exact path to change on a global scale. Turn off the news, look out your front door and give love. Give it every time all the time. Be love.

“Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love.” Rumi


authenticity is the way.

More collaboration, less comparison, less competition. We have become so ingrained in our society to buy into the competition lie. We believe that for us to win, someone else must lose. That when someone else gains, there is somehow less available for us. That also leads to comparison. We look to those who achieve, win, etc and begin to believe that we must somehow be like them to also win. We slowly begin to chip away at our uniqueness, at our perfect and valid and necessary expression of life and become a ghost of ourselves, a shadow, an eclipse. We begin feeling less, thinking less. We become programmed and hollow. We put on masks, try on other’s clothes, thoughts and beliefs. We no longer differentiate between our own unique thoughts and feelings and those put on us by our peers or by society. We become sheep. We no longer live and act from a place of masterpiece. We were created. Specially. Specifically and Uniquely. We were painted, sculpted, written and photographed. We are art.

The more you shed the inauthentic and claim your authenticity, the more resistance you may begin to encounter. Claim it anyway. Make authenticity the path, the way. Be authenticity. Breathe authenticity. Speak it. There is no need to fight against the resistance. Make space for it. Smile at it. Breathe through it. Direct love to it. Your conviction to live from that space quietly gives permission for others to do the same. And whether you ever directly get to experience the currents of that particular wave, it happens anyway. It is a great gift to give the world.

You cannot be successful living in someone else’s skin, beliefs or convictions. You cannot be whole, you cannot be effective. Begin to create rather than to consume. To be a force, you must stand silently, peacefully and powerfully in your own truth and let the truth make the noise. Let that truth set the world ablaze. Let that truth heal those with ears to hear. You have a specific, special and unique impact to make. Make your tracks. Let others follow those tracks until they find their own. Light the way. Love and light.

Lay Your Burdens Down…

I had a very big day yesterday. I have been “broken” for a long time now. Although I have been committed to choosing my mindset, overcoming and rising up, my mind and spirit still carried the residue of what my body had been through over the last few years. While I had chosen my perspective rather than wearing the one given to me by others or by my unconscious self, I was still haunted by the events. It is not far fetched or unreasonable that when you go from “wonder woman” to near death in an instant that it would affect you in more ways than one. It is not shocking that the time spent running from annihilation during my coma would leave a trace of darkness somewhere in my psyche. It makes sense that being treated and handled with extreme care and caution following the series of events would become a new way of life. No one would blame me if I stayed in that place. No one would blame me but why would I ever choose to stay there? I think where we typically go wrong is first and foremost in the unconscious. Most of us are living and operating from an unconscious reactionary state. We are unaware of what we are thinking, feeling, choosing, etc. Things begin to change dramatically the day you become a force in your own life and create your life rather than react to it. We look at all the evidence that we have gathered from the current circumstances which are only there based on our thoughts and choices (whether unconscious or not) up until now. The second we choose to change, choose to become the force, circumstances will begin to shift dramatically. We have to give our lives time to catch up before we make conclusions about what it all means.

Let my life be living proof for you. I was not handed anything on a silver platter. No one came to save me. I screamed and yelled at God, I begged God, I ignored God. This Being, this Force, this Entity loved me enough to allow me to save myself. I can only imagine how difficult that would be to watch someone you love so deeply in such despair and not save them from it. But that is a true and deep love. A love that is willing to sit in its own pain so that the object of their love and creation can be truly born. God sat by, and I believe sat directly in front of me breathing love and strength into me while I found my own. You see….my entire life, I was seeking my own strength. On the outside looking in, it could have looked like I had had it. I had my shallow strengths temporarily taken from me so that I could discover the strengths that could never be taken or destroyed. I stand here in immense gratitude for the fruits of that battle, I stand here a butterfly emerged from my cocoon.

I say all of that to say this….Lay your burdens down. Resist the urge to continue hitting the replay button. What happened to you is just that…it happen(ed). Past tense. It was then, this is now. It is over and done. You are not your experiences or your circumstances. You are what you choose to do with and about them. You are who you become from the journey. As a coach and trainer, I am forever hearing people talk about their weak wrists, nagging ankle injury that they have had since childhood. I will never forget an amazing client I had who on day one of training with me spent fifteen minutes explaining every physiological issue they have had since birth involving both their personal and what they believed to be genetic issues. I listened and smiled and led them straight into and through those issues and watched them come out the other side without having to carry those particular burdens any longer. Your freedom is through. Your freedom is in letting go. You are not chained to your finite experiences. You are the creator, you are the author. You have a choice and you have the power. All of my love and light to each and every one of you today. Blessings. SaraMae




Victim or Victor


In any given moment, we always have a choice, and its almost always between two polarities, with the point of power always belonging to us. We have been taught to believe we are powerless, at the mercy of those with the perceived power, at the mercy of our circumstances, at the mercy of some outside source who judges our worthiness depending on our actions. We have believed that we must sit and wait for circumstances to change before we can do xyz. That we must be different, look different, do different, have different…

I love what 3x Cover Model, Fitness World Champion, Self Love junkie, Lifestyle Entrepreneur and all around epic incredible human being Lori Harder says at the beginning of her podcast “we don’t wait until we’re ready for someone to tell us that we’re good enough, we take what we want and we anoint ourselves.” Such a true and powerful statement. We are so much more powerful than most of us have ever been taught to believe.

I am honestly so incredibly grateful for the immense struggles that I was given because they taught me how powerful and strong I really was…what I could really endure, what I could really overcome…who I could really be…what I really stood for…what I was truly passionate about. I would say they forced me, but they merely gave me a choice which to me there was only one option. While losing my feet seemed  like one of the very worse things that could have happened to me, I still clung to the blessings that I had that many others would do anything for. And to me it would be far worse to be miserable, angry, bitter and to choose to stay broken than to rise in my strength, power and potential. To not just overcome my challenges, but to eventually use them to help others do the same. I have always been motivated by helping others, and I just kept thinking about what I would one day be able to do again rather than some of the things that I may struggle with. I kept thinking about the people who I could potentially help one day rather than the things that I felt I may never have again. And to be honest, there really isn’t anything I don’t think I will be able to do, just walls to climb over or knock down.

For anyone who may be struggling, I just want to share the view from where I am today. I am still on the journey, there is still overcoming to be done, but I am far stronger, far happier, for more fulfilled and just far more myself for the process. You have far more power than you realize. There is nothing you cannot be, do or have. Don’t for one second give your power away to anyone or anything. And know you are never alone. Much love. SaraMae

Open or Closed?

Understandably in life, we encounter disappointments, heart break, cruelty and we believe whether consciously or unconsciously that the answer to that is to put up a wall, build our defenses, employ watchmen to stand guard and ensure our safety from the less enjoyable aspects of life. We believe the illusion that the world is a bad and dangerous place to live and our instincts go to work to protect us. This is born into us as part of the human experience. Our ancestors used to have to literally run for their lives when up against the elements of nature. That response is in fact built into us and for us if we ever come up against a real and immediate threat. However, we have allowed it to run amuck in our lives without any sort of supervision or guidance. We turn on the television, tune into the news, read the headlines on the papers, overhear conversations in public. So much of society is set up to focus on the doomsday reporting tempting us to believe the lie that we are in clear and present danger.

At any moment, we have two options. To be open or closed. When we shut down in an attempt to protect ourselves, we believe we are keeping the “enemy” out, the hurt, the pain, the failure, etc. It makes so much sense in the logical way if you never look deeper and question the way things are. People build fences to protect their property.  Seems legit. Here we are speaking of fences in our lives. When you build a fence to keep anything out, you are in fact, just keeping yourself in. You are shutting down the natural flow and rhythm of the Universe, shutting out the good and incredible that life stands in the wings ready, willing, able and excited to send our way. Life is for you. Life is for you. Life is FOR you. Are you willing to suspend judgement, to hesitate on your need to label things as good or bad, to take a breath and give life the chance to show you just how good it really is? Are you willing to believe that pain can be a messenger, a teacher, a wise friend? Are you willing to listen? Because your heart and soul, God, the wisdom of the Universe is whispering and simply waiting with a smile to impart all of its genius.

If there is one thing I know to be true, it is that we are powerful beyond measure. The stuff of the Universe is not in some far away cosmos, it is in our DNA. God is not some distant fixture atop a cloud, God dwells in your soul. You walk with thunder and lightening in your veins! You truly are a magnificent miracle. There is nothing that you cannot be, do, or have, nothing that you need or lack. The next time you are delivered a blow and want to batten down the hatches, I encourage you to sit with the situation. To breathe through it, to open up and allow it to flow through you. To look at it, speak to it and ask it what it is here to teach you, what blessing it has to bestow upon you. I promise you it will answer, and it is always your friend. It even carries the seeds of comfort.

The more that you breathe, relax and allow yourself to open, the more freedom you will begin to feel within yourself and your life. You will see light fragments shine on once dark and forgotten corners. You will feel joy where once there was sorrow, hope where once there was hopelessness, joy where once there was shame. My beloveds, there is nothing to fear. You are not alone unless you insist it to be so and even then….you are not alone. In the eloquent words of Rumi, “We are all just walking each other home.” Be like nature…in its essence. It does not worry nor toil, and it is perfectly provided for as it perfectly provides for us. Sending you all of my love and light.

Feeling stuck? Be the catalyst.


Where in your life do you feel stuck? Literally or figuratively? It is so easy to give into the thought process, the illusion and believe that it is logical to make a change once the “stuckness” gets removed by some outside force or condition. We say that when we have energy, we will exercise, when we have motivation, we will workout, when we have time, we will take up that new hobby or volunteer, when we have money, we will have xyz. It seems counterintuitive to give of ourselves where we feel we lack. Life responds to us. It responds to our intentions, our beliefs, our commitments, our actions, our words, our thoughts, our states of being. There is nothing that we cannot do, be, or have if we are willing to become that thing. There is nothing that any of us are lacking at any time, in any condition, under any circumstance. There are degrees of difficulty, but never a lack of anything. And the tiniest shift, tiniest action, tiniest amount of money, tiniest fraction of time can create a completely different reality.

I understand how difficult it can seem when the entire bottom has fallen out of your life. I have experienced every single aspect of life falling apart and having to pick up the pieces. I know people who have faced the same levels of devastation, and I am here to tell you that I believe in the very core of my being that it is often in those moments, in those circumstances that our greatest blessings lie. It can seem so far from that, but if we are willing to think of them as such, they come to shake us up for our greatest and highest good, to help us become unstuck, to break open.

What are you wanting in life? More time? More money? More love? More support? More kindness? More resources? More fun?  Be that. Give of that, give the very thing you think you lack and watch the universe completely come to your aid and conspire in your favor. Don’t take my word for it. Do it for yourself. Are you short rent money? Find a cause you love, find someone else who is short on rent money and give whatever amount speaks to your heart…hundreds or pennies. The greater stretch, the greater blessing, the greater shift in your being and therefore your situation, but start with where you are, when you are and how you are. Want more love? Be loving towards someone else in any manner, especially if you are slightly uncomfortable. Feel all alone and like you have no support? First, see if you can support yourself more and then extend your support to anyone else. Whenever and wherever you feel tempted and compelled to hoard and withhold, give there. You are powerful beyond measure, and have the power to completely alter your circumstances along with as many others as you choose to serve.

Be the catalyst of your life. Be your own hero. Come to your own aid. On the days when you feel especially exhausted, lethargic and unmotivated, lace up your sneakers and go anyways. Trust the energy to come to you by the mere conviction of your actions. Life and God know when things are particularly difficult but we act in spite of and do it anyway. Its in those moments, when we feel the least like it, when it would take the most effort, the most faith, the most strength of character; when we rise up and take that leap of faith, that first baby step, that first shift in the new direction, when we creak the doors of our mind open with our willingness to believe differently. There are roars of applause that go unheard but sound off anyways in support of our growth and expansion. It is why we are here lovelies. To kick ass and bless others. Love and light. SaraMae