Use me…

Dear God…I ask this night that you use me, that you use my life, that you take the wheel and make my existence profitable, beneficial, hopeful for others.  For as I go through the days and nights focusing on my grades, my finances, my fitness, my pedicure, my social calendar….not only do I become bored and uninspired, but I become profitless and listless.  I desire to feel alive, to feel apart of the miraculousness that is life.  I search for it in belongings, vices, experiences, but it all leaves me wanting, craving, needing.  I lie in bed aware of those who are starving, who are lonely and cold, crying out for recognition, for a witness to their existence…I walk through the rain feeling the tears of those who feel unanswered, unheard, unrecognized…I lay in the sun, grateful for its warmth while my thoughts drift to the souls of those without homes migrating without purpose across the scorching blacktop, the “concrete jungle” that is our city.  I used to work in the multi million dollar office of a real estate developer, sipping my over priced latte, concerned with what hot function to attend that weekend, while soulless souls, purposeless persons, forgotten fellows shuffled by my window.  I picked at my manicure, twirled my hair, and pondered on why I sat where I sat, and why they made comfort in our grass, grateful for a moments rest from the load they bare. God, please use me.  Whether for selfish reasons, for a desire that I cannot quench by my daily living, out of guilt for my blessings, or simply to connect to whatever it is yearning inside of me to infuse myself with the plight of those less fortunate than I.  God, please use me.  Please make right the lives of those that came before me through me.  What they were not able to overcome in their lifetime, please give me the strength to heal within myself for their peace.  God, please use me that I might be a vessel of power, comfort and inspiration to those in need.  God, please use me that my life will be of benefit to those that you would lift me up to meet and administer to.  God,  please give me the words and the understanding of the needs of others that I may be an instrument in Thy hands to bring peace to those who cry out, and those who know not how.  Let my agenda submit itself to yours, and my fears dissipate in the presence of Thy love and acceptance.  I thank Thee for the opportunity I have had to meet so many amazing brothers and sisters, and I ask that Thou would extend my circle to include those I never would have imagined.  I pray for the opportunity to experience those whom are different from me, those whom I can learn from, those who will make me uncomfortable and expand my acceptance and diversity.  I thank Thee for the many sources of inspiration along my journey, and I look forward to those that are yet to come.  Thank you for the fresh rain cleansing both our earth and our souls, and thank you in advance for the sun which will inhabit my flesh.  I love my life, and I thank you not only for the dance, but for the fight…for the peaks and the trenches.  I thank you for more than words can express…for those moments when only the silence will speak the song and gratitude of my soul.  I thank Thee and I ask that Thy blessings would be on those I know and love, those who inspire me, and for those who I have yet to meet or may never know.  I am truly blessed and eternally grateful. Thank you thus far and please don’t let Thy purpose for my life and the greater good die within me.

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"Someone once told me the definition of hell: On the last day you have on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become." Anonymous.  And that would be a good place to begin. Often we know not what our purpose is until we think in terms of our eternal purpose. The moment I allowed my mind to expand to eternal proportions, it all came into full view. All of my micro passions and purposes could fall under one heavenly macro purpose banner. To live up to my potential, and pave the way for others to do the same.  As a child, I had an inner fire to learn everything I could to rise above the circumstances I was born into. It was like there was a scream in my soul. "I don't belong here, we don't belong here. Something is wrong here!" As a child I remember knowing I was born to rewrite the story. I can't imagine that is typical of most children. I recall wrestling with the decision between having play dates with friends or reading dates with myself. My mom and I would sojourn to our local library where I would faithfully check out the max number of books as they toppled out of my arms. The majority were non-fiction, particularly autobiographies of underdogs defying the odds.  I was born into two family lines riddled by addiction, anxiety and depression. I remember intrinsically knowing we were made for more. I have spent my life on a mission to choose differently. I have to credit my parents for instilling awareness in me. They had their struggles, but they always reminded me that things can be different. They may not have had the tools or strength to overcome their struggles, but they created a human who could and would. Awareness is half the battle. Too many grow up not knowing any different. They live reactionary lives imitating what they see and all they know. That is why I'm determined to educate and demonstrate that we are the creators of our reality, that we are not limited by circumstance or DNA. We are truly limitless.  I am a voracious reader who reads books that help unlock greatness and point to unlimited potential.  I am a writer who writes with the intention to unlock the inner hero begging to be released.  I am a personal trainer who trains others with the intent to show them that the only limits they have are those in their mind.  I am an athlete who had yet to achieve her potential because her mindset was broken and spirit was in bondage. It was the silent shame I carried throughout my life. I dedicated myself to studying how I could turn that shame into my superpower. I am now an athlete who gets to visibly demonstrate how truly limitless we really are. I am keenly aware that my movement conveys a powerful message. I know others are watching. I know the world needs this wake up call. I know I did.  And I know I haven't even started yet.  So when I nearly died and lost my feet in the process, I knew I was being called to the mat so to speak. I was being offered the opportunity to demonstrate my beliefs for all to see. While I may have felt "why me," my soul knew I had been uniquely prepared for this challenge. My soul said "of course, me." And that was the North Star that guided me through the hell I would have to traverse alone. I set out on a journey with my Maker to find ME. The real me. All of me. Who I was capable of being. Possibly more importantly, I discovered who I WAS NOT. I was refined in the FIRE. I am here by the GRACE of God and the GRIT of myself. I became an alchemist, turning tragedy into triumph, loss into gain, victimhood into victory. I choose carefully for I know that I create my own reality.  PS you can read more about how I lost my feet here:  I am a Speaker. I realize this is bigger than I am. It is my privilege to share my story in a way that conveys hope smothered in tough love and points toward freedom. We are capable of so much more than we can begin to comprehend. We can choose it and we can do so today. We simply need be WILLING, AUDACIOUS and RELENTLESS.  I am a Writer. Writing is where I first tasted freedom. It is where I am all of me, where I speak my full truth, and where I allow God to speak through me. My message bypasses my brain coming straight from my spirit. Heck, it comes from my cells. I write to say what needs to be said. I write not to make one think, but to make one act.  My intention is not to make you feel good, or to think I am smart, but to get off your ass and live your life to the fullest. To live and love today to the fullest because it could be your last. Nothing is promised, not even the next second.  I am an athlete. It is an attitude, a swagger, a philosophy, a belief, a spirit. It is a commitment. Athletes aren't afraid to sweat and get dirty. They aren't afraid to try and "fail" because they know you only fail if you stay on the couch. And you can get off that couch this very second. I will push my athletic ability to the limits, and then I will push past them. There is no time clock, I will do this until the day I die. Where there is breath, there is hope and there is LIFE. I am ALIVE. I do not and I will not take that for granted. I move my body because I am blessed to do so because there are some who can't. There is always someone with less than you have doing more than you are. Make THEM proud. Honor their grit, thereby developing your own. Inspiration is tricky business. I don't want to be called inspiring as you scroll through Facebook. I want to INSPIRE your ACTION. I want to ELIMINATE your EXCUSES. My goals will continue to evolve because once I have ascended one mountain, I celebrate the view and then set my sights on the next. I am a runner with no feet whose wings span wide. I will run far and fly high. I am a trainer.  I am EXCUSELESS. Because I choose none for myself, I will accept none of yours. I am not for everybody, but I am for those who are hungry and committed to radically change their lives.  I am committed to doing my part to radically upgrade the dreams, expectations and lives of the collective whole. My inner hero, free spirit, champion craved existence and simply needed guidance on how to be born. I needed permission. I finally gave it to myself and now I offer it to you. I am here to remind those who need it that we were made for more.  The Phoenix Perspective is a Radical Responsibility Revolution. We have a zero tolerance policy for excuses. We make none and we accept none. Period. We know that we are more than our DNA, more than our CIRCUMSTANCES. We know that life is happening FOR us rather than TO us. We know that dying to who we thought ourselves to be so that we can become who we were meant to be is not only necessary, it is glorious. While it may not be comfortable, we know that the FIRE is our FRIEND. That it is a divine messenger sent to escort us to our higher selves. It is a message, a philosophy, a movement. It is an understanding and a vantage point. It is a challenge and an invitation. It is an initiation. 

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