Magnets

It amazes me how in life we are unexplicably drawn to another…like magnets.  It could be someone who unveils unacknowledged pain and insecurity, fear, heartache, withdraw, yearning.  It could be someone who offers a soft place to land, healing, comfort, serenity, peace, love, tranquility, desire.  At times we fight it like a fish caught on a hook or a horse being broken in…and most times we know not what we are fighting.  What is it that we fear?  Have we forgotten how to give up the fight and give into the ecstacy, or are we afraid that this other will swallow and consume us so that we are unable to find our way out, or survive its exit from our existence if that were to happen?  It is as if we flip the magnets around and allow the opposing force to repel one another without dealing with the what ifs, or might have beens.  I ask myself and all of you what life would look like if we gave in and surrendered to the possibilities.  Often we take on this fight alone without stopping to enlist those who can lessen the burden and soften the blow.   

Lately I came across the lyrics from “That’s How Strong My Love is by the likes of Otis Redding, The Rolling Stones, O.V Wright, and Alicia Keys.  I wonder why we don’t all stop the fight and accept this kind of love no matter the source or origination. 

Some people they call me crazy
For fallin’ in love with you
They can take me and lock me away baby
Cuz there’s nothing those bars can do
I’ll be the rising moon after the setting sun
just to let you know you’ll always have someone
I’ll be the clear as day when the rain is done
So you’ll always know
Through the shake of an earthquake
I will never fall
That’s how strong my love is
Like a shift through the storm
we can risk it all
That’s how strong my love is
I used to feel kinda lonely
There’s a world that can be so fake
All it matters I’m tellin’ you
It’s you and me only
And the fortress from love we make
I’ll be the water you need
in the desert land
Just to let you know you’ll always have my hand
I’ll be the woman you need to be a better man

Unseen Sorrows

My mind has been on a particular subject of late…as I just curled up to read before falling into dream land, the writings of my great grand father gave words to my thoughts once again…

“People are oftentimes misjudged as unfriendly when in reality they are sad from some secret sorrow…rallying to each other’s plight builds strength in both.  In fact, one successful way to forget one’s own burdens is to help bear another’s.”  He also reminded me that “no happiness can really be experienced without some knowledge of sorrow and pain.  Just as rainy days make the sunshine afterwards more beneficial, so does sorrow give joy more meaning and beauty.  If there were no shadows there would be no sunshine.  Hidden in the experience of pain is a lesson that teaches the appreciation of health.  The real worth of prosperity is found through the hardships of poverty.” 

It usually does not help to hear these things when you are in the depths of struggle, but I speak not to those of us who are struggling, but to those on the outside.  So often, we are hard on each other, or quick to criticize and judge each other’s actions.  Stop to think.  Step outside yourself, and choose to give the benefit of the doubt.  There are many who wear their sufferings on their sleeve, who believe they deserve pity or resent your blessings–have patience and love for them…but remember that there are the unseen, unrealized brave amongst us who carry their own crosses silently with hope that one day things truly will get better.  We may not understand where they have come from, or the road they have traveled.  While we complain about not having the newest pair of Chanels, or Burberry, there may be those in our circle struggling to make it through the day.  Lets all try to get out of ourselves and step out in compassion and support.  To close, I again quote my beloved great grand father…”Wishing for happiness must be replaced by the exercise of the best that is in us.”

Gifts…

I spend this Christmas alone and in reflection of many things.  Although they are not immediately in front of me, my cup runneth over with the love, support and encouragement that I am blessed with in my friendships.  For as long as I can remember, I have had people on my team who believe in me and accept me.  God does not leave holes in our lives.  Although for whatever reason, my family is not one of strong connections and unwaivering and unconditional love, I have been fortunate to be the recipient of these ingredients in the words and the hearts of those I call my friends.  I do want to say that my family is full of rich and strong spirits, and I love them all deeply.  Over the years, some friends have played a larger role than others, and some come and go from the picture, but they have all added undeniable strength and joy.  They are all a part of the foundation of who I am becoming day by day.  There are those who love me unconditionally flaws and all, there are those who call me out and remind me to be strong, those who make me laugh and remember to enjoy the moment, those who remind me to live out loud without restraint or concern for what others will think, those who remind me who I am when I have forgotten, but love me wherever I am at the moment, those who stand up for me when I forget to stand up for myself, those who remind me that it is okay and often necessary to be selfish, those who remind me to think beyond myself, those who tell me to get out of my own way, those who cry with me, those who pray with me, and all make my life worth living.  My thoughts, prayers, hopes and gratefulness go out to you all.  May God continue to bless you and yours, and may I continue to enjoy your strength and the richness that you add to my life.  Thank you.

Life…a series of letters from my great grandfather.

Letters from my great grandfather…

I came across a book written by my great grandfather tonight, and his words give life and validation to my thoughts.  I believe that it is true that those who came before us leave unfinished business for their progeny to carry on, or that we are imprinted by their spirits.  I wish to share his words, and to intertwine them with my own…or those inspired by men such as he.  All of the following quotes are by J. Stanley Harrison, from his book “I Think, Therefore I Am.”

“Life is God’s breath in you.  An eternal breath whose direction is changed, but never destroyed…”

“Whatever conviction we have as a purpose for life, that conviction determines what the activities of our lives shall be.”

“In a world fraught with tragedy each day of life becomes a gift for opportunities, and if we improve our own small opportunities we are better able to grasp the great chances of life.”

“Life begins every day if we have devised reasons for living.  Otherwise, it becomes just another period of time to fill in and endure, which is in essence dying…Very few people die all at once.  When a man loses his interest, his sense of wonder, his capacity to be deeply moved, he has died a little.”

“People find and plan the time to do the things they really want to do.”

I am grateful to spring forth from the tenaciousness and deep thinking displayed by my great grandfather.  I come from a family who does not relate well to one another.  I strive for a connection with them, but it as if we do not know where to begin bridging the gaps between us.  I did not know my great grandfather, but his words reach through the pages and speak to words written across my heart.  I have always had a burning desire to live my life to the fullest, to become the best version of myself that I could be, and then to reach back and assist those in pursuit of this common goal.  Time and time again I have lost my way and become sidetracked by the myriad distractions vying for our attention yet always, returning to this one, unquenchable desire.  Despite the darkness, this desire has held onto me when I have turned my back and lost myself.  I now know that who I am is because of what he began.  I am proud to be linked to this man whose words speak truth to my thoughts. 

Signed,

his great granddaughter.

Exquisite evolution

I speak of evolution in terms of the personal journey that we traverse whether conscious or not.  No place on earth is ever the same at any other moment in the future no matter how minute the lapse in time.  The greatest testament to this is the hypnotic flow of the river.  When standing on the bank, you can allow the movement to envelop you, to carry you forward to your greatness, your potentiality.  There are many obstacles along the path that divert the flow.  This journey will take you through darkness to deliver you to your light.  It is what shapes and molds us, what creates our shine.  I cannot identify with those in life who have not allowed themselves to become a part of the river, who have not surrendered to the process.  They seem to cling to their pride and their “perfection” like toddlers to their security blankets.  These are the people who clench their rightness and repel your inquisitions and opinions and your excellence, who do not let anyone or anything penetrate their facade, and fear those who allow their light to shine.

When you open yourself up to the possibilities, and allow your expectations to dissipate, you will be amazed at the beauty that shows up for you.  Every day I am amazed at the people who show up in my life and show me a better way, a more complete way to live.  An awesome girl reminded me lately  that “sometimes things fall apart for better things to fall together.”  Unclench your fingers and allow the brokenness to shatter so that you can embrace the newness that is waiting in the shadows.  Sometimes we look in the mirror and expect to look differently as we progress, but all we can see is how far we still have left to travel.  Our testament is in the people who show up in our lives.  I still have so far to go in my journey towards the me that I want to become yet the individuals who enter my story on a daily basis testify to my evolution–our relationships are a mirror to who we are.  I may not be who I aspire to be, but my friends reflect extensive beauty and soul, and a willingness to be themselves proudly, entirely, and completely.  I applaud them and their greatness.  I love you all.  Appreciation, grace, diversity, light, joy and love.  You are what I strive to be.  Dynamic.

Running in place

Well my body has come to a crashing halt.  For those of you who know me, fitness is my life, my identity, my companion.  At various points along my journey, I have forced it into the backseat, but it is always with me.  I, know full well what it takes to live an optimally healthy life.  Do I always entertain that knowledge?  Obviously not.  I am the poster child for type a personality.  I am always striving, always achieving, never relaxing, never just being.  I have been doing better these last few years, but I have recently fallen into my old patterns.  My body decided to teach me a lesson.  I have millions of obligations yet the world goes on without me.   My workload is piling up, yet I know it will get done.  It has allowed me to ponder on what I have missed during this never ending race that I have been running.  There have been flashes out of the corner of my eyes, I have felt things blow by me, heard whispers of the unknown, unrecognized.  Now that I am stopped, the flashes, the “things” and the whispers have become clear.  They are sunsets, sunrises, first blooms, first snows, deer, eagles, lillies.  They are my friends and my family, and all of the beautiful events in their lives.  I have allowed myself to believe that there would be an end to this race, and that at that end, everything would be waiting for me, I would be waiting.  What this stillness has allowed me to realize is that not only am I missing out on my life, but on the lives of the amazing people that I have been blessed to know and to love.  There are countless beautiful relationships and moments waiting yet not waiting for me.  You see, life has continued on without me, without my awareness, my recognition.  I am a little older, but I have missed so much.  I expected everything to wait, but life and living waits on no one.  All we have is today.  Tomorrow and There are illusions.  We cannot wait until we are done with school, have enough money in the bank, a bigger house, a family, retirement, til tomorrow to start living.  Today is the only today that we will have.  Today may involve a birth, a death, a full moon, a shooting star.  It may include a friend in need that we may be too busy to serve, it may include a friend who wants to lighten our burden, but we are too proud to allow them to.  There is infinite beauty borne in today.  Today is sacred, today is precious, today is priceless.  Live it as such.  Honor it.  Cherish it.  Respect it.  Do what you need to do to give yourself the room, the space, and the time to include all areas of your life.  Live holistically, live authentically, live vivaciously. This is my hope.

The Ocean

I have always felt a pull from the ocean.  Hypnotic. Poetic. Spiritual. Passionate. Organic. Commanding. Reverent. Raw.  Baptizing. Refreshing. Cleansing. Daring. Majestic. PEACEFUL.  I was blessed to spend this weekend on the beach.  I grew up in Oregon, and as I got older, I used to flee to the beach to get away and think, to put my thoughts in order.  The beach in Oregon is so different from what you think of in Cali or MIA.  Its quiet, serene, gloomy yet mystical.  I used to just sit on the balcony and let everything take me over, becoming my surroundings.  My thoughts and emotions swallowed up and taken temporarily from me.  In the meantime, I would sit in the moment and appreciate its entirety.

As I woke up in the morning, I would walk out to the beach and breath it in, exhaling any worries or vulnerabilities.  The ocean healing me and empowering me.  No matter what is going on in your life, the ocean has a way of making it whole and okay.  I believe it was bestowed with that capability.  Those that I have met in Cali and Hawaii that live on the beach contain those powers within them as well.  They are vessels of peace and awareness and reverence for the moment.  They do not worry, nor do they hurry.  They know that all is well and all will take care of itself.  They live fully and completely.

At night, I sat on the beach, alone in the dark.  I let myself become entangled in the serenity.  You realize how small and powerless you are as the waves crash in and out of their own accord, to their own agenda, their own poetry.  Nothing you could say could change that.  Yet as you witness their dance, the ocean in turn bears witness to your being, and that recognition empowers and cleanses your soul.  I don’t know that there is anywhere closer to heaven than the ocean.  It is like the story of the leper touching God, knowing that it would make him whole.  I believe the ocean is infused with those powers.  It is where I go to find equilibrium, to find peace, to find wholeness.  Meaning.  Purpose. Surrender. Hope. Rest. Joy. Calm. Serenity. Tranquility.

Addiction, Compassion.

Addiction.  It is an ugly word that we use to describe trashy, out of control individuals who we think ourselves so much better than.  Sit, observe, and let your mind wander.  What could that woman or man have been like before the hands of addiction choked the life out of their neck, and took over their soul?  Do any of you put yourself in their shoes?  Some say “get a job,” “go away.”  I can’t help but think “there but by the grace of God go I.”  In reality, I didn’t create myself or my path.  I have the power to create the life that I want, but do any of you really know what the demon of addiction feels like?  It could be so many things…food, drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships, gambling.  It doesn’t matter what it is.  The pull is so real that escape seems like a fairly tale, unreal and futile.  It is the one thing that feels real, tangible.  When you are alone, it is there to console you, comfort you, sing to you.  Addiction is viewed with such disgust and disdain that it is something most are too afraid to speak of, to share, so it is a cross that we carry silently, hopelessly.  Do you ever wonder what the purpose of addiction is?  Why did God allow it into our lives?  What is the meaning?  I do know that I have often heard “for with God, nothing shall be impossible.”  But that promise seems elusive and not for the downtrodden, for you don’t feel worthy of such a promise, nor do you believe in its validity.  The only thing that is real in your life is the object of your addiction.  It can take the most talented and beautiful person and cut them at their knees, keeping them from walking, let alone dancing, never fulfilling the greatness that they were created for.  They are caught in a dance, and addiction is their constant companion.  It bothers me that the majority of people that I know are cold to those with great struggles such as these.  However, I guess I cannot be angry at their ignorance.  For how do we understand something that we do not know?  My life has been a series of beautiful disasters, silent burdens and blessings.  Often I have asked God why I have had to live all of these nightmares.  My life is far better than most of the world, my sufferings have been more of the silent, mental and emotional nature.  I am not perfect.  I carry scars, and there are things about me no one knows. However, I am grateful for every second, for they have allowed me to live it and know it.  I have so much love and respect for those who have suffered and come through the fire, and I understand the strength that they wear as a badge of honor.   I empathize and suffer with those who are in the fight, and can’t find their way out.  It is the most frightening place in the world.  In this place, you usually find yourself alone and addiction becomes your companion, your escape, your savior.  I have silently carried my struggles with a smile and a great deal of acting.  I have a lot of pride, and cannot admit my imperfections, my frailties.  I still won’t, but I mention them in hopes of awakening you to the fact that this world is in need of compassion and understanding.  Your problems aren’t the only problems.   I desire to remind  you that there are so many out there who are suffering and struggling-whether from addiction or tribulations.  Some are obvious, some you would never guess.  I challenge us all to do two things before we act with selfishness or superficiality.  Say to ourselves “there but by the grace of God go I,” and realize our fortune, and two remind ourselves that that individual may be carrying a cross or burden of which we have no idea.  Not everyone wears their weaknesses on their sleeves.  Give each other the benefit of the doubt.  Have compassion.  See the best in each other, and mirror that to others when they have forgotten that about themselves.  Bear each others burdens.  Think beyond our own trivial concerns.  Honor the spirit that resides within each other and is all connected, and treat everyone like we would treat our God because you never know where or who He may  be.  Peace. Love. Compassion. Grace. Understanding.

Ethiopia…and a million other places.

So I wrote a paper for one of my classes about our failure to feed global populations, and a cartoon about starving children in Ethiopia.  Please read on, for it is one of many great tragedies that we forget about, or turn a blind eye to.  I only strive to awaken you, as it has awakened me.  As always, thank you for your time.

Ethiopia:  Far From Utopia

“Tigray province in the high, remote North is the ancient spiritual home of Ethiopia, mesmerizing in its rugged, isolated, hard beauty” (“CBC News In depth: Ethiopia”).  This description of Ethiopia is tranquil, picturesque, and fanciful.  Although many of us would like to buy into this image, or bury our heads in the sand, the reality of Ethiopia will not align itself with our fantasies until we take a long, hard look at the nightmare which we allow them to continue living.  “On that first day, I glimpsed Ayano in the intensive care room, wrapped in a red and blue blanker, struggling to breathe, his eyes tipped back into his skull. When I next saw him, he was trussed up the blanket that had become his death shroud, lying on a slab next to two other small bundles in the morgue” (“Among the Starving in Ethiopia – TIME”).  Just to paint a picture and put things in perspective, as I read this article and come across this description of unimaginable heartbreak, I noticed an advertisement directly to the right of these spine chilling words.  It read:  “Breakthrough in reversing wrinkles and signs of aging.”  It is said that life in Ethiopia is cheap, but the haunting chants of the funeral wails would testify otherwise.  Next time you look in the mirror and agonize over your newest wrinkle or gray hair, think beyond yourself and your aesthetic to these innocent, helpless children being stalked by vultures and tossed into ditches.

In Cam Cardow’s syndicated cartoon “Ethiopia,” he sheds light onto the tragedy that is the situation in Ethiopia, which could easily be entitled Niger, Sudan, the Democratic Republic of Congo, Uganda, Malawi, Zimbabwe, or increasingly countless others.  He employs the use of logos, ethos, and pathos persuasions to speak to the heart, mind, or conscious of anyone who encounters his work.  There is a picture of a starving, gaunt child with sunken in features, looking the reader in the eyes and thinking, “If I wait long enough, the media will eventually arrive” (Cardrow 457).  Maybe it is because the media has been here before, and they are over it, but there is a lack of media attention.  There is certainly enough to focus on with the war, oil prices, and Lindsey Lohan’s newest debaucheries.  They justify that there is a lack of grave pictures depicting the horrors, however, it would be disgusting and disgraceful to wait until there are images of children being stalked by vultures, which there is, before they take action.  This portion of the cartoon is employing ethos, the ethical residence within us.  Cardrow is appealing to us by pointing out that these children are helpless, defenseless, and at our mercy, and they are.

The second frame shows that same child, in the same state, but this time thinking, “and expose one of the worst famines to hit Ethiopia” (Cardrow 457).  Again, the media has been there before, dating back to 1980 when there was much hype over this still existing tragedy.  The problem is that nothing has changed.  “The reasons are paved in the good intentions of rich nations, good deeds that have punished Ethiopia with perpetual want” (“Among the Starving in Ethiopia – TIME”).    In all areas of life, Americans are treating the symptoms rather than addressing and fixing the problem; take a pill and it will go away, shut off the alarm and deal with it later.  We are giving these tiny creations of God a miniscule fish, and then going home to our warm beds and flat screens rather than taking the time and efforts to teach them to fish and care for themselves.  I cannot quit asking myself why.  People everywhere are starving, our environment is ailing, and our health is laughable.  We are creating more and more sophisticated and interesting gadgets, but we are also creating our own destruction.  There is a Grand Canyon between Education and Intelligence.  We are more educated and technological yet our egos run our lives and our society.  There is so much that we could do to help those crying out for us, yet we continue to pacify our consciouses by throwing a bone, never taking the time to truly create a revolution.  We are willing to do anything, as long as it is convenient, does not make us uncomfortable, or interrupt our highly important lives.  “Hundreds of millions are spent on immediate food relief because the popular notion is to alleviate the plight of starving children.  But that means little is spent on economic development to prevent the shortages that led to hunger in the first place” (“Among the Starving in Ethiopia – TIME”).  Cardrow is appealing to our logic (logos) by addressing the absurdity of the hamster wheel.  Nothing has changed since 1980, it is obviously time to get off the wheel, and actually fix the problem.  It makes sense, so what stops us, what are we waiting for?

The third frame shows the same child, this time staring blankly ahead, no longer acknowledging the reader’s presence, with the caption “Yep, should be along any minute now” (Cardrow 457).  This child still clinging to a shred of hope has no other option, yet our silence speaks volumes.  The fourth frame shows the same picture, but no caption.  The fifth, the child is lying down on his side, with his back to us—hopeless, awaiting his fate.  The last, the child is a skeleton—without any sense of loss or recognition from us, his “savior.”  Cardrow is speaking to our pathos, our character.  America is a beautiful institution, we are the Utopia that everyone else strives for and dreams about.  We truly do have it in our power to change the world.  We could stop funding wars, and start advocating and creating peace.  We could focus even more efforts on the causes, and bleed less money into the pharmaceutical companies and healthcare system that turns its back on the “weak” and “powerless”—the unaccounted, unimportant, unrecognized.  We can take our beautiful technologies and discoveries and implement them in these suffering countries, supplying them with the means to feed them for a lifetime rather than a moment.

As I glance at the advertisement for reversing wrinkles, I read further, becoming humbled by the words from a survivor from the Ethiopian famine in 1984; the girl whom reporters were talking about when they said, “I noticed her slumping to the pavement and called a nurse but it seemed too late…We left, to at least allow her dignity in death. Her grave was already being dug outside, alongside thousands of other victims” (“CBC News In depth: Ethiopia”).  Birhan , now known as the “miracle girl” from the Great 1984 Famine gratefully stated,” I barely survived death but I came through.  And today when I see so many beautiful things, I’m grateful to be alive.  Always I say I could have been just dust by now, but I’m not.  I’m alive to see beauty around me, and to see new things.  I’m very happy” (“CBC News In depth: Ethiopia”).  We should be affected by this.  “There, but by the grace of God go I.”  If Birhan can be grateful for something that none of us could even imagine, then we have a lot to learn, and can begin by taking action for those who are waiting for our mercy, our brothers and sisters.

Tragedies beyond borders

“There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come,” Victor Hugo.  It is time, can you feel it?  We are sophisticated, industrialized, baptized in technology.  We have more ways to communicate than we can even handle, we have advanced solutions to disease and degeneration, and our gadgets practically run themselves.  We have overcome civil wars and slavery, come far in the establishment of equal rights, and come together in the face of the incomprehensible tragedies of September 11th.  The time is past due to begin recognizing our interconnectedness as human beings, as equals.  We cannot move forward as a nation or a species until we begin to take responsibility for our actions.  The ends cannot justify the means.

It is impossible to comprehend the atrocities that go on behind the scenes all in favor of oil production, control and power.  We extract large levels of oil from countries like Venezuela yet we give them no compensation.  Oil spills have killed their food supply, their animals, their lands, and we have done nothing to help.  We are going about our business turning a blind eye and a cold shoulder.  How do we justify allowing people to suffer in this manner?  We play patriot games and big brother by waging war in other countries all in the “defense of the weak,” yet we allow these other tragedies to go on without the slightest concern.  It makes me wonder what our priorities really are.  We exploit the masses that are illiterate and lacking influence, who believe that they have no control over the situation.  When speaking out, they are beaten and shot at, or ignored and lied to.  They have an external locus of control, they believe that the world is so strong and they are helpless.  “This is all related to the cult of oil” (Margonelli 149).  We barely give it a thought beyond whether we want the Pepsi Big Gulp and Corn Nuts or Rock Star and Doritos.

How are the citizens supposed to take control or speak out for their rights when they are being ruled by a puppet master?  They are seen as livestock and property, their tragedies just collateral damage.  It does not matter that they live on cliffs in cardboard boxes having to throw their waste over the cliffs while their children starve to death—as the saying goes, all if fair in love and war, and oil right?  Their “faith in the system is so great, and so tragically unfulfilled, that it is almost a religion” (Margonelli 169).  What has this system done for them?  What have we done for them?  There is more to life than Gucci, Apple and Hummers.

When are we going to have respect for each other and that which sustains us?  Just because our past is riddled with the need and obsession for power without regard to the damage done in the pursuit of it, does not mean that we cannot shift our focus.  We can cease valuing the ivory tower without concern for our human obligation.  There will be an initial investment, but the rewards will pay dividends.  We are one of the most privileged nations yet our national level of happiness is dismal.  Maybe we would experience a shift if we were to make efforts to help other nations experience a higher standard of living, teaching them to fish rather than throwing them a bone here and there.  We are accountable for the miscarried and deformed children, the sick, the dying and the hungry.  We have the means to make significant changes in the lives of many, bothwithin our own borders and beyond.  “Violence attracts violence, peace attracts peace.”  This came out of the mouth of one of the citizens in Nigeria.  With their lack of resources and formal education, this man had more wisdom and true intelligence than the majority of our citizens.  I strive to think and live according to the knowledge of this man.  We all should.  Adopt awareness, inspire action.  Be the change.