This may be stating the obvious, or easier said than done, but it is something that too many of us neglect. We filter and sensor for fear of how it will be received, but is that living with the freedom that we were given? I speak not of the constitutional right to freedom of speech, but of the God given right to have a mind, a heart, a soul, feelings, emotion, and the ability and gift to put it into words and share it with another, with the world, in honor of ourselves…It is my hope for all of us that we gather the courage to share what we are feeling, and to stand confident in our expression. It is an act of faith to open up ourselves, and to let a part of us leak out where it can be judged by those who are on the other end, but don’t let that stop you, don’t hesitate. In the working of that faith, you will lose a few along the way, those who do not support your honesty, your raw truth, but those who stand up and shed light upon your authenticity will make up for that which is lost in the crossfire. For those who support and receive you in that state, are those who are truly invested in your journey, those who love you because of your truth, or those who love you anyway. Be bold, be vulnerable, be strong, be you…Speak your truth.
Author: shollandsworth
"Someone once told me the definition of hell: On the last day you have on earth, the person you became will meet the person you could have become." Anonymous.
And that would be a good place to begin. Often we know not what our purpose is until we think in terms of our eternal purpose. The moment I allowed my mind to expand to eternal proportions, it all came into full view. All of my micro passions and purposes could fall under one heavenly macro purpose banner. To live up to my potential, and pave the way for others to do the same.
As a child, I had an inner fire to learn everything I could to rise above the circumstances I was born into. It was like there was a scream in my soul. "I don't belong here, we don't belong here. Something is wrong here!" As a child I remember knowing I was born to rewrite the story. I can't imagine that is typical of most children. I recall wrestling with the decision between having play dates with friends or reading dates with myself. My mom and I would sojourn to our local library where I would faithfully check out the max number of books as they toppled out of my arms. The majority were non-fiction, particularly autobiographies of underdogs defying the odds.
I was born into two family lines riddled by addiction, anxiety and depression. I remember intrinsically knowing we were made for more. I have spent my life on a mission to choose differently. I have to credit my parents for instilling awareness in me. They had their struggles, but they always reminded me that things can be different. They may not have had the tools or strength to overcome their struggles, but they created a human who could and would. Awareness is half the battle. Too many grow up not knowing any different. They live reactionary lives imitating what they see and all they know. That is why I'm determined to educate and demonstrate that we are the creators of our reality, that we are not limited by circumstance or DNA. We are truly limitless.
I am a voracious reader who reads books that help unlock greatness and point to unlimited potential.
I am a writer who writes with the intention to unlock the inner hero begging to be released.
I am a personal trainer who trains others with the intent to show them that the only limits they have are those in their mind.
I am an athlete who had yet to achieve her potential because her mindset was broken and spirit was in bondage. It was the silent shame I carried throughout my life. I dedicated myself to studying how I could turn that shame into my superpower. I am now an athlete who gets to visibly demonstrate how truly limitless we really are. I am keenly aware that my movement conveys a powerful message. I know others are watching. I know the world needs this wake up call. I know I did. And I know I haven't even started yet.
So when I nearly died and lost my feet in the process, I knew I was being called to the mat so to speak. I was being offered the opportunity to demonstrate my beliefs for all to see. While I may have felt "why me," my soul knew I had been uniquely prepared for this challenge. My soul said "of course, me." And that was the North Star that guided me through the hell I would have to traverse alone. I set out on a journey with my Maker to find ME. The real me. All of me. Who I was capable of being. Possibly more importantly, I discovered who I WAS NOT. I was refined in the FIRE. I am here by the GRACE of God and the GRIT of myself. I became an alchemist, turning tragedy into triumph, loss into gain, victimhood into victory. I choose carefully for I know that I create my own reality.
PS you can read more about how I lost my feet here: https://saramae.co/2015/10/20/filling-in-the-blanks/.
I am a Speaker. I realize this is bigger than I am. It is my privilege to share my story in a way that conveys hope smothered in tough love and points toward freedom. We are capable of so much more than we can begin to comprehend. We can choose it and we can do so today. We simply need be WILLING, AUDACIOUS and RELENTLESS.
I am a Writer. Writing is where I first tasted freedom. It is where I am all of me, where I speak my full truth, and where I allow God to speak through me. My message bypasses my brain coming straight from my spirit. Heck, it comes from my cells. I write to say what needs to be said. I write not to make one think, but to make one act. My intention is not to make you feel good, or to think I am smart, but to get off your ass and live your life to the fullest. To live and love today to the fullest because it could be your last. Nothing is promised, not even the next second.
I am an athlete. It is an attitude, a swagger, a philosophy, a belief, a spirit. It is a commitment. Athletes aren't afraid to sweat and get dirty. They aren't afraid to try and "fail" because they know you only fail if you stay on the couch. And you can get off that couch this very second. I will push my athletic ability to the limits, and then I will push past them. There is no time clock, I will do this until the day I die. Where there is breath, there is hope and there is LIFE. I am ALIVE. I do not and I will not take that for granted. I move my body because I am blessed to do so because there are some who can't. There is always someone with less than you have doing more than you are. Make THEM proud. Honor their grit, thereby developing your own. Inspiration is tricky business. I don't want to be called inspiring as you scroll through Facebook. I want to INSPIRE your ACTION. I want to ELIMINATE your EXCUSES. My goals will continue to evolve because once I have ascended one mountain, I celebrate the view and then set my sights on the next. I am a runner with no feet whose wings span wide. I will run far and fly high.
I am a trainer. I am EXCUSELESS. Because I choose none for myself, I will accept none of yours. I am not for everybody, but I am for those who are hungry and committed to radically change their lives.
I am committed to doing my part to radically upgrade the dreams, expectations and lives of the collective whole. My inner hero, free spirit, champion craved existence and simply needed guidance on how to be born. I needed permission. I finally gave it to myself and now I offer it to you. I am here to remind those who need it that we were made for more.
The Phoenix Perspective is a Radical Responsibility Revolution. We have a zero tolerance policy for excuses. We make none and we accept none. Period. We know that we are more than our DNA, more than our CIRCUMSTANCES. We know that life is happening FOR us rather than TO us. We know that dying to who we thought ourselves to be so that we can become who we were meant to be is not only necessary, it is glorious. While it may not be comfortable, we know that the FIRE is our FRIEND. That it is a divine messenger sent to escort us to our higher selves. It is a message, a philosophy, a movement. It is an understanding and a vantage point. It is a challenge and an invitation. It is an initiation.
Dear Fallen Angel…
Dear Fallen Angel…where did you come from, where did your journey begin, and what began your fall from grace? What hurt entered your life and took over your being, what is it that you could not rebound from? Were you once a mother, a father, a son, a daughter, a lawyer, a teacher, a doctor…did you begin and end a lost soul, unseen and forgotten by the mainstream? When you sit there on the corner at the mercy of the passerby’s, do they snicker, do they judge, do they scurry for fear of what hides behind the tattered clothes and the unkempt beard? Do they yell, “get a job?!” For they fear what they do not understand, and what they fear they could become…there but by the grace of God go I. What is it that causes you to bow at the alter of drugs, alcohol, sex, abuse…what is it that keeps you down, promising you deliverance, but delivering you enslavement? Offering you peace through entrapment. Did you beckon to God, and did he deny you? For I believe that he wouldn’t, but I can’t grasp these fallen angels, and their states of despair, their aloneness which in ways they caused, but how can broken souls be held accountable for their brokenness? How can they be left to fall the greatest depths without a net? How can we turn a blind eye? Where do we begin? All that I know is that it must begin with love and compassion…something that must begin inside ourselves, and radiate to the most difficult to love, those who do nothing for it yet deserve it most. I have many fallen angels in my life, and despite the tragedy, the heartache, I can’t help but see them as mere angels…before their falls from grace, and I pray that I may be a mirror to their once triumphant reign…hope, prayer, faith.
Dear hater…
Dear hater,
Thank you for your motivation, your inspiration, your excitation. I would like to be sorry that my fullness upsets you, derails you, curtails you–though I am not, I cannot be. For to be sorry for all that I am would be a disservice to who I am and what I stand for. Life is short, and if not to be me, then who, what, why? I beg and plead, encouraging you to be who you are in the darkest depths when you are left alone with your own being, without the fakeness, the hauntings, the masks…for you interest me. The greatest gift that we have from God is the freedom to be who our soul beckons us to be, the ability and space to spread our wings and investigate our curiosities. I will support and applaud your journey, but I cannot cosign your ignorance. Dear hater, thank you for reminding me why I get up in the morning and thank God for my uniqueness, my presence, my presents…my blessings, for all that I am, for all that I will be, and for the differences that I will encounter in my travels. Dear hater, I thank God for you, and I pray that He will deliver you from your fears, and allow you the space to embrace all that you deny within your own soul, and that in doing so your heart will be opened, and you will experience a world which you have yet to know…a world which will echo your love and acceptance, which will allow you the comfort to stop, breathe, and quit fighting that which you fear or do not understand in others and in yourself. The very greatest blessing is our individuality…recognize it, give thanks for it, and rejoice in it. Namaste.
Inspired…
I must know what it is in some of us that compels us to create boundaries, draw lines in the sand, and illuminate differences, imperfections…things that to me, assign beauty, interest, excitement. I think I am wonderful, but to live in a world full of myself would be desperately dull and void of meaning. It is the differences in others, the colors of their skin, the texture of their hair, the expression in their fashion, the inspiration in their art, the difference in their beliefs, the wisdom in their expression, the inflection and variety in their speech, the strength in their fortitude, in their fall, and in their rise to grace that depict beauty, purpose, joy, depth…they are the reason that I get out of bed with interest in the day ahead. It perplexes me why even those in our family seek to make us the slaves of their expectations, who stand with gavels ready to judge the slightest deviation from their beliefs or actions. I am grateful that you all differ from me, that you represent your own hue in the rainbow of my experience. It is you who I create snapshots of in my mind, in awe of your individuality and awesomeness. Thank you for being who you are, and who you desire to be…for to me, that is the purpose of our life, that is our right, that is our gift. For we seek not to hurt, but to explore our truths, our curiosities, our passions, our fires, our fears, our hopes, our dreams…thank you for not backing down and hiding your light, and for exposing your imperfections. I embrace you, I appreciate you, and I love you unconditionally and completely. You are my friends and my family.
Magnets
It amazes me how in life we are unexplicably drawn to another…like magnets. It could be someone who unveils unacknowledged pain and insecurity, fear, heartache, withdraw, yearning. It could be someone who offers a soft place to land, healing, comfort, serenity, peace, love, tranquility, desire. At times we fight it like a fish caught on a hook or a horse being broken in…and most times we know not what we are fighting. What is it that we fear? Have we forgotten how to give up the fight and give into the ecstacy, or are we afraid that this other will swallow and consume us so that we are unable to find our way out, or survive its exit from our existence if that were to happen? It is as if we flip the magnets around and allow the opposing force to repel one another without dealing with the what ifs, or might have beens. I ask myself and all of you what life would look like if we gave in and surrendered to the possibilities. Often we take on this fight alone without stopping to enlist those who can lessen the burden and soften the blow.
Lately I came across the lyrics from “That’s How Strong My Love is by the likes of Otis Redding, The Rolling Stones, O.V Wright, and Alicia Keys. I wonder why we don’t all stop the fight and accept this kind of love no matter the source or origination.
Some people they call me crazy
For fallin’ in love with you
They can take me and lock me away baby
Cuz there’s nothing those bars can do
I’ll be the rising moon after the setting sun
just to let you know you’ll always have someone
I’ll be the clear as day when the rain is done
So you’ll always know
Through the shake of an earthquake
I will never fall
That’s how strong my love is
Like a shift through the storm
we can risk it all
That’s how strong my love is
I used to feel kinda lonely
There’s a world that can be so fake
All it matters I’m tellin’ you
It’s you and me only
And the fortress from love we make
I’ll be the water you need
in the desert land
Just to let you know you’ll always have my hand
I’ll be the woman you need to be a better man
Unseen Sorrows
My mind has been on a particular subject of late…as I just curled up to read before falling into dream land, the writings of my great grand father gave words to my thoughts once again…
“People are oftentimes misjudged as unfriendly when in reality they are sad from some secret sorrow…rallying to each other’s plight builds strength in both. In fact, one successful way to forget one’s own burdens is to help bear another’s.” He also reminded me that “no happiness can really be experienced without some knowledge of sorrow and pain. Just as rainy days make the sunshine afterwards more beneficial, so does sorrow give joy more meaning and beauty. If there were no shadows there would be no sunshine. Hidden in the experience of pain is a lesson that teaches the appreciation of health. The real worth of prosperity is found through the hardships of poverty.”
It usually does not help to hear these things when you are in the depths of struggle, but I speak not to those of us who are struggling, but to those on the outside. So often, we are hard on each other, or quick to criticize and judge each other’s actions. Stop to think. Step outside yourself, and choose to give the benefit of the doubt. There are many who wear their sufferings on their sleeve, who believe they deserve pity or resent your blessings–have patience and love for them…but remember that there are the unseen, unrealized brave amongst us who carry their own crosses silently with hope that one day things truly will get better. We may not understand where they have come from, or the road they have traveled. While we complain about not having the newest pair of Chanels, or Burberry, there may be those in our circle struggling to make it through the day. Lets all try to get out of ourselves and step out in compassion and support. To close, I again quote my beloved great grand father…”Wishing for happiness must be replaced by the exercise of the best that is in us.”
Gifts…
I spend this Christmas alone and in reflection of many things. Although they are not immediately in front of me, my cup runneth over with the love, support and encouragement that I am blessed with in my friendships. For as long as I can remember, I have had people on my team who believe in me and accept me. God does not leave holes in our lives. Although for whatever reason, my family is not one of strong connections and unwaivering and unconditional love, I have been fortunate to be the recipient of these ingredients in the words and the hearts of those I call my friends. I do want to say that my family is full of rich and strong spirits, and I love them all deeply. Over the years, some friends have played a larger role than others, and some come and go from the picture, but they have all added undeniable strength and joy. They are all a part of the foundation of who I am becoming day by day. There are those who love me unconditionally flaws and all, there are those who call me out and remind me to be strong, those who make me laugh and remember to enjoy the moment, those who remind me to live out loud without restraint or concern for what others will think, those who remind me who I am when I have forgotten, but love me wherever I am at the moment, those who stand up for me when I forget to stand up for myself, those who remind me that it is okay and often necessary to be selfish, those who remind me to think beyond myself, those who tell me to get out of my own way, those who cry with me, those who pray with me, and all make my life worth living. My thoughts, prayers, hopes and gratefulness go out to you all. May God continue to bless you and yours, and may I continue to enjoy your strength and the richness that you add to my life. Thank you.
Life…a series of letters from my great grandfather.
Letters from my great grandfather…
I came across a book written by my great grandfather tonight, and his words give life and validation to my thoughts. I believe that it is true that those who came before us leave unfinished business for their progeny to carry on, or that we are imprinted by their spirits. I wish to share his words, and to intertwine them with my own…or those inspired by men such as he. All of the following quotes are by J. Stanley Harrison, from his book “I Think, Therefore I Am.”
“Life is God’s breath in you. An eternal breath whose direction is changed, but never destroyed…”
“Whatever conviction we have as a purpose for life, that conviction determines what the activities of our lives shall be.”
“In a world fraught with tragedy each day of life becomes a gift for opportunities, and if we improve our own small opportunities we are better able to grasp the great chances of life.”
“Life begins every day if we have devised reasons for living. Otherwise, it becomes just another period of time to fill in and endure, which is in essence dying…Very few people die all at once. When a man loses his interest, his sense of wonder, his capacity to be deeply moved, he has died a little.”
“People find and plan the time to do the things they really want to do.”
I am grateful to spring forth from the tenaciousness and deep thinking displayed by my great grandfather. I come from a family who does not relate well to one another. I strive for a connection with them, but it as if we do not know where to begin bridging the gaps between us. I did not know my great grandfather, but his words reach through the pages and speak to words written across my heart. I have always had a burning desire to live my life to the fullest, to become the best version of myself that I could be, and then to reach back and assist those in pursuit of this common goal. Time and time again I have lost my way and become sidetracked by the myriad distractions vying for our attention yet always, returning to this one, unquenchable desire. Despite the darkness, this desire has held onto me when I have turned my back and lost myself. I now know that who I am is because of what he began. I am proud to be linked to this man whose words speak truth to my thoughts.
Signed,
his great granddaughter.
Exquisite evolution
I speak of evolution in terms of the personal journey that we traverse whether conscious or not. No place on earth is ever the same at any other moment in the future no matter how minute the lapse in time. The greatest testament to this is the hypnotic flow of the river. When standing on the bank, you can allow the movement to envelop you, to carry you forward to your greatness, your potentiality. There are many obstacles along the path that divert the flow. This journey will take you through darkness to deliver you to your light. It is what shapes and molds us, what creates our shine. I cannot identify with those in life who have not allowed themselves to become a part of the river, who have not surrendered to the process. They seem to cling to their pride and their “perfection” like toddlers to their security blankets. These are the people who clench their rightness and repel your inquisitions and opinions and your excellence, who do not let anyone or anything penetrate their facade, and fear those who allow their light to shine.
When you open yourself up to the possibilities, and allow your expectations to dissipate, you will be amazed at the beauty that shows up for you. Every day I am amazed at the people who show up in my life and show me a better way, a more complete way to live. An awesome girl reminded me lately that “sometimes things fall apart for better things to fall together.” Unclench your fingers and allow the brokenness to shatter so that you can embrace the newness that is waiting in the shadows. Sometimes we look in the mirror and expect to look differently as we progress, but all we can see is how far we still have left to travel. Our testament is in the people who show up in our lives. I still have so far to go in my journey towards the me that I want to become yet the individuals who enter my story on a daily basis testify to my evolution–our relationships are a mirror to who we are. I may not be who I aspire to be, but my friends reflect extensive beauty and soul, and a willingness to be themselves proudly, entirely, and completely. I applaud them and their greatness. I love you all. Appreciation, grace, diversity, light, joy and love. You are what I strive to be. Dynamic.
Running in place
Well my body has come to a crashing halt. For those of you who know me, fitness is my life, my identity, my companion. At various points along my journey, I have forced it into the backseat, but it is always with me. I, know full well what it takes to live an optimally healthy life. Do I always entertain that knowledge? Obviously not. I am the poster child for type a personality. I am always striving, always achieving, never relaxing, never just being. I have been doing better these last few years, but I have recently fallen into my old patterns. My body decided to teach me a lesson. I have millions of obligations yet the world goes on without me. My workload is piling up, yet I know it will get done. It has allowed me to ponder on what I have missed during this never ending race that I have been running. There have been flashes out of the corner of my eyes, I have felt things blow by me, heard whispers of the unknown, unrecognized. Now that I am stopped, the flashes, the “things” and the whispers have become clear. They are sunsets, sunrises, first blooms, first snows, deer, eagles, lillies. They are my friends and my family, and all of the beautiful events in their lives. I have allowed myself to believe that there would be an end to this race, and that at that end, everything would be waiting for me, I would be waiting. What this stillness has allowed me to realize is that not only am I missing out on my life, but on the lives of the amazing people that I have been blessed to know and to love. There are countless beautiful relationships and moments waiting yet not waiting for me. You see, life has continued on without me, without my awareness, my recognition. I am a little older, but I have missed so much. I expected everything to wait, but life and living waits on no one. All we have is today. Tomorrow and There are illusions. We cannot wait until we are done with school, have enough money in the bank, a bigger house, a family, retirement, til tomorrow to start living. Today is the only today that we will have. Today may involve a birth, a death, a full moon, a shooting star. It may include a friend in need that we may be too busy to serve, it may include a friend who wants to lighten our burden, but we are too proud to allow them to. There is infinite beauty borne in today. Today is sacred, today is precious, today is priceless. Live it as such. Honor it. Cherish it. Respect it. Do what you need to do to give yourself the room, the space, and the time to include all areas of your life. Live holistically, live authentically, live vivaciously. This is my hope.
SaraMae Hollandsworth 